we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
