smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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