Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
