my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
