I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
how drunk are you?
Several
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
