dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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