I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
