Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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