I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i came on her dog
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
