I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
