I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
