Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
