Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
