I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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