I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
