Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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