glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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