I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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