Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
FUCK WHALES
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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