P.S. I can't hear my feet
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
