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All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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