I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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