I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
