I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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