Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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