i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
