I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
