You just made me feel so damn special
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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