I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
