I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
