Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
