Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
