you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
