Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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