the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
