Little spoons don't ask big questions
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
