Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
