First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
