take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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