You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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