If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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