We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
