thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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