I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
