Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Did we literally take a cab across the street
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
