Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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