I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
