I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
