I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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