woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
